The topic of gift-giving is a modern wedding etiquette minefield… and when the topic of money is raised, it can be seen as offensive to wedding guests.
A recent Mumsnet discussion heated up when a user on the site posted about being invited to a wedding and being asked to give a cash gift instead of a traditional wedding present.
User Poppyflow wrote:
Relative, who I haven’t seen for years and whose fiancee we’ve never met has sent a wedding invitation with tacky poem
demandingsuggesting money instead of a gift. And they got my name wrong (I have kept my maiden name and been married over 25 years).
Even if we don’t go (and it will cause some family strife if we don’t) my ailing dad expects that we’ll send them money.
How much would you send? We’re not millionaires, but not short of money either.
My judgement is somewhat affected by the fact that I have twice in recent years donated to couples asking for cash and am still waiting for an acknowledgement, let alone a ‘thank you’ from either couple.
Responses to the post varied. Some users thinking that it is perfectly reasonable in this day and age for couples to ask for cash as a gift when they most likely have been living together before marriage and would have all the household goods already normally given as a wedding present.
Others think that it is tacky to ask for money and suggest instead donating to charity in the couple’s name, buying them a wedding present regardless of the request or to just buy a bottle of plonk and send a card.
Wishing wells are becoming much more common at weddings, so if you do opt for one -whether to get people to chip in for your honeymoon or to add to your savings account to save up for a house deposit -just be aware that many people might have strong and negative feelings about it.